on: Watching America From My Welsh Living Room

To be an American, not living in America right now. Watching from afar as chaos reigns. People often ask me, “Do you miss living in America?”. I nearly always answer no (save for Chick-fil-a, the weather, and my family). But following the most recent happenings, my answer is a solid and firm “no”. If anything, I feel ashamed of my heritage. Which may cause many patriots to roar in rage.

But how could I feel proud? Should I feel pride that a black man was killed by those meant to protect? Proud that our leader encourages violence? Proud that a white woman feels her escape from shame is to accuse a black man of hurting her? Proud that police have been instructed to use tear gas and plastic pellets as they march through quiet suburbs?

What do I have to feel proud of right now?

As I began to reassure myself of how glad I am not to be living in America, I started wondering why Britain feels any different. After all, Britain has a similar history to America. Slavery was real here too. British economy depended on slavery both in colonies abroad and her own soil. Many Brits would have had a similar view of the superiority of the white man.

And yet, given similar histories, America is clearly more racist than Britain.

Wrong. My white privilege was talking. Because I don’t feel the effects of racism in Britain, I assume it doesn’t exist. However, as I researched, I found account after story after report of racism being very much alive and active in the UK. The fruit may look different, but the root is identical.

The fruit is visible. Visible from the debates regarding immigration during Brexit talks. Or Megan Markle’s marriage to Harry. The fruit is invisible. Hardly seen as children that aren’t white are bullied for their colour. Or the “otherness” felt in a workplace.

Racism exists in Britain. But perhaps in a more “polite” and hidden way. British culture is known for being more reserved. You aren’t quite sure where you stand with people as transparency isn’t always upheld as a respectable quality. And maybe that is why racism is more muted here. Then again, that may be my white privilege talking. I just can’t see its blatant head because I haven’t experienced it.

One difference between the US and the UK that, I don’t think (correct me if I am wrong) can be denied, is the blatant violence that exists in the US when it comes to racism. Watching footage from how armed forces are responding to the week’s events has angered me. Cars being burned in the city I lived in saddens me. I’m not sure why violence is more pronounced in the States regarding the racism. Feel free to help me understand.

 I completely own up to the fact that I don’t have every side to the story. That I am a bystander with limited information. That I haven’t walked in a policeman’s shoes. Or a black man’s shoes. I get that. I have avoided learning about the issue from fear of how it may make me uncomfortable. But I can’t avoid it anymore. The issue is too significant.

I am angry. I am disappointed. And even scared. But I am white. And I am sat in my comfortable living room in Wales. So I can’t even begin to imagine the emotion raging through black men and women in America right now.  

Please. Help me understand.