When It's Time to Quit
Give up. Resign. Quit. They are all words that have always meant one thing to me, at least in the context of my own life – failure.
We live in a culture, a western one, that celebrates personal achievement. Promotions, risk-taking ventures, goals met. We romanticize perseverance. Cheer it on. Congratulate it. But there is rarely a Twitter tweet or Insta post highlighting when a person has decided to stop trying.
After all, nothing great, no one great, got anywhere by quitting. Achievement and innovation would never have happened with quitters. So we are told. “Never give up” and “you’ll get through this” are phrases that propel us forward when we get kicked down.
I’ve never wanted to be classified as a quitter, not as a child and not now, as a 33-year-old adult. But the last year, I’ve toyed with the idea of quitting nearly every week.
Two years ago, someone asked if I had ever considered having my writing published. It had literally never crossed my mind. I trained as a teacher and have worked in charities – I’m no writer. But one story idea led to a pitch, that led to a commission, and here I am two years later writing weekly for a range of publications. It’s a ‘career’ – can I call it that? – I never imagined having, freelance journalism. But to be honest, I’m not convinced it is one I can stick with for the long haul.
Over these years, I’ve had mini panic attacks, grappled with rejection on a daily basis, felt unliked, had to learn a skill from ground zero, and compared myself (always coming out severely under par) with people much more talented than I am. It has kept me from sleeping, stolen my joy, and impacted how I have treated my family.
During those lows, I’ve told myself: “This isn’t worth it Lauren. You just need to quit.” However, remember, I have an aversion to quitting. So I would sleep on it, wake up and keep pushing again, only perpetuating a cycle that led to burnout.
Is there ever a point where we should do the “unclappable” – to quit?
I think so. But I don’t think it is a one-size-fits-all answer for everyone. There isn’t a guide on “should I quit” but I think there is a question that helps. “Is it worth it?”
This relationship is hard, but is it worth it?
This job is relentless, but is it worth it?
This goal is draining me, but is it worth it?
Maybe your answer is yes. Then keep going! Push open doors. Run the race. Think of all those mantras and tell them to yourself when you feel discouraged. It definitely is not always time to quit because the finish line will be worth the sweat and ache of the race.
Maybe your answer is no. The cost is too great.
That’s where I’m at. The cost of freelance journalism (my mental wellness being a bit shot, which impacts myself and my family) isn’t worth a myriad of published articles with my name attached.
And yet, I love it so much. Isn’t that often the case, that we love the very thing that we feel we can’t handle? We love the adrenaline, the emotion, the outcome. I adore interviewing case studies, raising awareness about issues that need attention, meeting deadlines, and telling people’s stories through written words.
Feel I should quit, but also feel like there would be a void in my little cup if I do.
In steps compromise. Boundaries. If quitting isn’t necessary (although sometimes it is), then perhaps we can just change how we’ve been doing whatever we’re doing that is causing the problem.
For me, that looks like taking on less work, deleting apps off my phone, not taking my phone to bed, and only opening my computer when it is work time (versus keeping it open while kids are crawling all over me).
I haven’t quit. I’ve adjusted.
I know there will be times when I have got to totally throw the towel in. When I can’t even keep scraps of it. A goal becomes unattainable or no longer important. And if and when that time comes, I hope I can accept it gracefully, knowing that to quit is not defeat but a means to another relationship, another innovation, another art, another goal. A better goal.
Have you ever quit at something? How did you decide? What did it lead to? Tell me!
After a decade of misery I finally plucked up the courage to send that resignation letter. This was summer 2019 and I was going to take a few months to readjust and figure out if I wanted to stay in the same field or change altogether (needed distance from the awful working environment I'd accepted for so long, to judge if I could still enjoy the skillset I had). I was in your vicious cycle and I cried a lot but with relief more than anything (and a bit of frustration at myself I hadn't done it sooner).
I'm in a similar role now but much healthier work conditions and better at balancing work and life, as well as time on my own without tech. Luckily Covid-19 pandemic didn't completely mess me up as timing of my decision could have backfired but I am now harping on to any friends who will listen that if they are remotely unhappy, act on it and don't let it build into an impossible hurdle to live in a vicious cycle of misery.
Yes. I have quit a few times when it was no longer worth the pain and effort; mostly the stress. For many of the reasons you said in your thought provoking article. Thank you.
And I followed my many dreams. I took with me all the things I loved doing; being with people; writing stories; working to the rhythm of my own beat. Only taking on projects which I wanted to do or where I thought I could make a difference.
The biggest problem is making ends meet; having to downsize my lifestyle. Basically, that means having very little money for the fun things which make a difference. And not having had a holiday for a very long time. But the trade was worth it. What I am doing now is worth the effort. I am in in the driving seat of my life. If I am stressed it is because project finance hasn't come through; or I have taken on a bit too much. My life is Feast or Famine and we have all experienced the lean years of Covid so there is a lot of catching up to do. But mostly, I am positive and optimistic. I have refreshed my goals and made them more manageable and learned SO much! Now, in my 60's, I am not planning to retire, but to just do even more of the things I love doing. Creativity doesn't have a use by date and is a constant flow if we nurture and treat ourselves and the wellspring of our creativity with love and respect. Thanks for making me think about this, Lauren. I wish you well with your future creativity. Don't think of it as quitting, but moving on to do something even better!