To Give a Kid a Phone

Last week, I asked people on my Instagram to tell me what they thought about kids using mobile (cell for the Americans reading) phones. A varied group of responses came through, with parents feeling strongly either way.

The Insta story came after months of my eight-year-old asking for a phone. You see, most of the kids in his class have a phone. I am definitely not here to say what other parents should or shouldn’t do. It is 100 percent the choice left to each family. But for our family, we’ve said no phones until high school, which in the UK, is about 11 years old, when they will be walking to and from school on their own.

But I’ve got to be honest, I have started teetering about my decision. Swaying back and forth about whether we should bend. The thought of him feeling left out amongst his friends makes my pulse rise. I put myself in his shoes and imagine being at a birthday party, with all my friends pulling out their little portable computers, sharing messages, videos, pictures. The only cupcake without sprinkles. The loner. The other.

As an adult, being different doesn’t scare me like it did when I was a kid. I remember the first day I showed up at a new school without the official school uniform. Little flowers scattered on my jumpsuit while all the other children wore collared green shirts and tartan skirts. Feeling out of place as a child sticks with you. And I certainly don’t want my kids to get a complex about feeling out of place in their social circles.

We recently bent on his bedtime. It used to be 7:30, like his younger brothers. But he insisted everyone went to bed at 10. “I’m the only one mum. The only one who goes to bed that early in my class,” he cried to me in his bed one night. He now has a bedtime of 8, that often runs into 8:30.

And then there was the Queen’s Jubilee celebration in school. Each child was given a golden cardboard box to take home and fill with treats to bring in for a party in school. The morning of the main event, we put a packet of Doritos, single-serve bag of sweets, a couple of biscuits (cookies), and chocolates in. He was happy going off to school. But the first thing he said to me upon my arrival home from work was, “I had the worst box in the class.” I took myself to the bathroom to let go of a few tears, and then promised him next time, his box would be just as good as the others.

This whole parenthood thing is a constant change in navigation. I think I’m heading one way, but the route changes and I have to plan again. I set rules that have to be rejigged. Boundaries that may be pushed. Like bedtimes and the number of treats I let them eat for a party in school.

Should owning a phone be something I bend on too?

In 2019 (quite a while ago now, but it was the most recent research I could find), 50 percent of the UK’s ten-year-olds owned smartphones. There are a plethora of parents who find no problem in giving their kids a phone. It lets them keep in touch about where they are and stay connected to friends. There are apparently benefits I hadn’t even thought of.

I’ve read studies that seem to disprove the mental health side effects of using phones at a young age. And have talked to parents who have had children with phones and simply have not had any issues as a result.

So am a doing him a disservice by not letting him have one? Am I overthinking this?

I honestly don’t know. Isn’t frustrating as a parent – to not know what is best?

Here is what I do know.

Phones are addictive little buggers

I’m addicted to my phone, totally and completely. I’ve started turning it off and hiding it so that the impulse to check it is thwarted. And I didn’t have a proper smartphone until I was out of university. I most certainly don’t want him to face the constant need to be looking and checking his phone at eight.

Selfishly, I also want them to look at me when they are talking to me, not staring at a screen.

Kids can be mean

I also know that kids can be mean. I’ve heard from parents whose children have been in tears from things texted to them on phones. Even though parents can set lots of parental restrictions on what kids see, they can’t control what friends of their text.

Social media is (could be) too much to handle

Social media is the devil. I’m only joking. I love social media. Too much. But I don’t want my kids constantly bombarded with everything they don’t have that everrrryyyone else does have. They get that enough without a phone. Adding in social media, which is often part and parcel of having a smartphone, just adds another layer of comparison their little brains just don’t need.

Phones are expensive

There is absolutely nothing me that wants to add another phone to our contract. I’m a cheapo and not afraid to admit it. Perhaps this is a terrible reason not to get him one.

I want to keep my kids young for as long as I possibly can

Possibly the most powerful reason for not getting phones until highschool is that I want them to stay babies. Every single day, I wish on my lucky stars that my kids won’t grow up. I love them this age. Their innocence. Their affection. Their creativity. I want to keep them like this as long as I can. I know phones don’t age them, per se, but they sort of do.

-

Don’t get me wrong. There will come a day when they will have phones. But just not now. Not yet.

This is currently where I stand. I’m nearly certain I won’t change on this, but I’d love to hear if you think differently, or if you feel the same as I do.