on: My friend, Adrenaline.
(photo credit: Chemistry World)
Heart thumping. Heading shaking. Hands praying. Palms sweating. Irritable at the world. Panicked about the future. Sleep deprived. Tired eyes.
Adrenaline.
I’ve never been an adrenaline junkie. I prefer hobbies that are safe. Work that is predictable. People I can trust. The thought of choosing to put myself in a position whereby I can feel the effect of adrenaline is a foreign concept.
But adrenaline has become a bit of companion over the last few weeks. She has snuck up on me when I least expected her presence. In the calmness, she brought anxiety. In the confidence, she brought vulnerability. In the harmony, she brought discord. I feel her approach when my breathing quickens. Anger and fear accompany her. And I know she must go. But how?
Adrenaline is a hormone released into the body during a stressful situation. It tells your body to either fight or flight. Your muscles feel invincible as blood vessels swell to pump blood. Senses awaken. Pain diminishes. All to help you punch it out or run away.
The little hormone has been actively pumping through me recently. She’s been on high alert with the Covid-19 pandemic. If something comes punching at her, she is ready to put up her fists. She’s been both fighting and fleeing.
I have been writing a bit more recently. In addition to writing whatever I want, I have been sending in pitches to online journals and magazines. Although being warned that you could be turned down 100 times before someone finally agrees to publish you, I chose to believe I was different. Sorely disappointed when I was told “no thank you” time after time. Should have seen that coming.
After weeks of learning to write pitches and emailing pitch ideas, I finally snagged a “yes, we would like to hear more.” I quickly began formulating a book review with a particular slant that I thought the magazine would adore. No doubt, they would respond to me with praise. Ask me to write for them consistently. And even offer to pay me. Saved. Attached. Sent.
No glowing response. Instead, a list of edits. It should absolutely not come as any surprise. But it floored me. My heart was beating out my chest. Palms dripping. Mind reeling. I literally spent 4 hours staring at my computer (did I mention I have 3 kids….lots of tv that day), unsure of how to edit it to their liking. I wanted to fight. But I decided to flee. I wrote a shabby piece of work. Resent it to them. And closed the computer. I had enough.
Even with the computer closed, my friend adrenaline was still flowing through my veins. I was ready for her leave. I put the boys to sleep and considered wine. But decided yoga may be the more appropriate response. I sat in my living room with SarahBeth. Aware of the stress consuming me. Finally, after 30 minutes of deep breathing and stretching, I felt myself relax. Adrenaline departed. Then I felt justified to have that glass of wine.
Watching a scary movie. Engaging in a dangerous sport. Receiving criticism at work. Conflict with a friend. Watching the news. Feeling threatened. Both seemingly insignificant and life changing events can cause adrenaline to be released into our bodies. But if released too often, adrenaline can cause long term health effects.
I listened to a podcast with Dr. Erin Kinney on how to control stress. She is a naturopathic doctor who specialises in helping clients to cope with stress. Her “go-to” advice (aside from meditation and herbal remedies) for dealing with stress is to lie down flat for 10 minutes in the middle of the day and breathe deeply. Your parasympathetic system activates, and your body is brought back to a place of equilibrium. Incredibly simple, but she boasts of the effect on her clients as they take breaks in the day to calm their bodies.
Adrenaline, you may feel you can visit without my consent. But I won’t leave you to stay when you aren’t welcome.