on: Fiercely Relaxed
If one word could sum up what women are encouraged to be right now, it would be “fierce”. Confident. Self-assured. Resilient. Strong. Powerful. It isn’t a new concept. The feminist movement has pushed the idea for decades. Encouraging women that have been subdued by patriarchy to rise up and take their places as leaders in the world. Throw off constraints. Achieve their dreams. Don’t be hindered by cultural expectations.
Fruit from this movement has given us strong women in the arts, politics, offices, and athletics. The movement has and continues to achieve its intended purpose to give women their voice.
But being fierce wasn’t a adjective created by the feminist movement. Women have been fierce for all of history. Women have been courageous. Women have carried heavy loads. Women have been fighters, supporters, leaders. Perhaps with a different appearance than now. But very much still fierce.
I wonder if in the current culture we live, it is more provocative to be a relaxed woman. This concept of the relaxed woman was introduced to me by Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of Eat. Pray. Love. Elizabeth is renown in her field for being an exceptional novelist and revered for her wisdom. However, she speaks openly about how becoming a relaxed woman is what she aspires to – not a successful woman (although she has plenty of that too). A woman that knows how to set boundaries. Knows how to take care of her body and mind. Knows her limitations. Knows her most innate desires. This is the controversial woman.
Reflecting on the idea of the relaxed woman has provided me with freedom. Often, I will see a woman on the stage or another platform, and feel desperate to have the type A personality that is driven, competitive, and ambitious. But that isn’t who I am, which can lead me to feel ashamed that I am not keen or able to join the ranks of “women world changers”. As I begin to dive into being a relaxed woman, there is a release to be the person that I am.
Who are these relaxed women? I would argue that if you find a truly relaxed woman, you would have found an older, mature woman. One that has had years of practice becoming comfortable in her own skin. Comfortable with her own mind. Comfortable with her likes and dislikes. Her values. Her priorities. A woman that has spent years studying herself and others around her. Years being hurt. Hurting. Being loved. Loving. Perhaps there is no way to become a relaxed woman until time teaches us its art.
But it is worth aspiring to. Being calm. Chilled. Enjoying life. Sounds much better than being perpetually stressed – running around like a chicken with no head.
A quick internet search revealed universally agreed upon habits of a relaxed person:
-Takes care of themselves
-Limits phone and social media use
-Exercises
-Appreciates small moments, things and people
-Comfortable with failure
Perhaps being a relaxed woman isn’t unattainable after all. Not at the expense of being fierce. Women will continue to be fierce. It is built into our DNA. But a little of sweetness of relaxed, combined with salty of fierce, is a match made in heaven – the perfect balance of a woman.
This is wonderful! I aspire to this too!